New Orleans, LA
Are you one in the millions of people who are addicted to Energy Drinks? Do you walk into a store and see dozens of options and freak out? Don’t fret.. Chef_Eats is here to help!
*This test was conducted by an independent party*
As the Unofficial Executive Chef of Xanga..I tasted and tested each drink on 18 different days and closelymonitored the effects of energy drink consumed. These are myfindings..
(In alphabetical order)
Amp & Arizona Energy
Coolah & Freak Maniac
Full Throttle & Full Throttle Blue Demon
Full Throttle Fury & Full Throttle Sugar Free
Monster & Monster Assault
Monster Khaos & Monster Lo-Carb
Red Bull & Red Bull Sugarfree
Rockstar & Rockstar Diet
Rockstar Juice Mango & Rockstar Juiced Guava
I thought about doing just my top 5 but 18 is so much cooler. haha This is going to be a quick summary, so bear with me and you won’t feel a thing! 
Independents?
Amp Energy:
It’s Mountain Dew on steroids. Good flavor if you like the Dew. And provides a decent kick of energy too!
Arizona Green Tea Energy:
Eh.. wasn’t the best. Different profile than the other energy drinks.. Very light. Energy was weak.
Coolah:
Has a little bite and a little tang. It’s like an uber-carbonated lemon drink. Not one of my favs but it gave me the energy I needed to finish the day.
Freak Maniac:
This new one is cheaper than the rest but what you save in price, you lose in quality. The flavor is like watered down Monster. Energy was decent though..
The Full Throttle Family
Original:
It’s very light tasting.. Other energy drinks make you cringe the first second you drink it. This one is has a slight spice from the carbonation, but that’s it. The Throttles all provided mild energy.
Blue Demon:
Very much like the original.. Except it has a flavor I can’t really explain. It’s Agave flavored. Some kind of Mexican plant.
Fury:
the Original spiked with Orange, Actually quite tasty!
Sugar Free:
The Original with an aftertaste? Not noticeable if you’re already a diet soda drinker.
The Monsters
Original: This one a has a powerful punch. Eight ounces would be more than enough but they come in 16 and 24 ounces only! Flavorwise.. not for the novice energy drinkers.
Assault:
Cola Meets energy drink. It’s not really my thing.. But if you’re a fan of colas, give it a shot.
Khaos:
Monster’s version of Orange energy! Except stronger than the rest of the market.
Lo-Carb:
You don’t really lose anything besides the flavor.. And to my memory, no after taste!
The Bulls
Red Bull:
It’s only a 12 ounce can, and compared to the rest weighing in at 16 ounces.. it packs the strongest energy, but the flavor leaves a lot to be desired. It’s an aquired taste..
Red Bull Sugarfree:
It seems lighter as far as the energy is concerned. The flavor is also washed down a bit. Are you into baby steps? Try this before the original.
Rockstars!
Original:
Easier on the palate than Red Bull or Monster. Sweet, Tangy, and Slightly Spicy all at once. The power is so-so.. It’s perfect for the casual energy drinker.
Diet:
Out of all the Lo-Carb/Sugarfrees/Diets… this is my least favorite. There’s nothing really exciting about it and the energy offered is not worth your time.
Mango: I like this one.. I’m a fan of Mangos and this one strike the right note. Energy is subtle.. it sneaks up on you.
Guava:
This probably has the best flavor out of all the drinks. Guava is refreshing and light at the same time. This drink captures the essence of the Guava while still giving you the energy needed.
Best of Awards 
Most Energy: Red Bull Original
Best Flavor: Rockstar Guava
Best Balance: Amp Energy
Best Lookin Can: Full Throttle Blue Agave
Most Consumed by Me: Monster Original
Well that does it.. I hope this rating helps give you the understanding needed to choose the correct energy drink. Whether you need to work later.. stay awake during church.. help choosing the right energy drink to mix with vodka.. traveling the world?.. or you just need help staying up stalking people on Xanga? lol Whatever floats your boat.. let me know how it works for you.
Note: Other notable energy drinks not in this review.. (180 energy, Pimp Juice, and Crunk)
Future Reviews:Sugar Sculpting 101
Bad Service, Bad Food, and Tipping
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Xagat-Rated
Feel free to join! =)
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Click on the link to see his ad in full.
Comments (15)
dude i love this entry! how long did it take you to make this one? i know where you get your supply! hahaha…i myself also consume the original monster the most when i’m working. 18 huh? haha, that’s alot of kick!
definitely not something I expected to read a full review on but rather interesting haha… really got a good laugh =)
thanks for the info. i appreciate the time and effort you put into this one!!!
awesome review man…I expected Red Bull to provide the most energy and it does..but why oh why does it only come in ONE flavor?? i never understood that. I mean, technically addding in a little guava extract and some yellow 40 wouldn’t interfere with the caffeine metabolism..oh well..looking forward to the next entry about tipping.
wow..very nice! i’ve never tried monster..looks like i should give it a shot
Ugh! I tried all day to comment before and Xanga wouldn’t let me!
The only energy drink i’ve ever tried is redbull, and even then i had it mixed with Whiskey (This is a Thai thing) so i seriously don’t know what any of these drinks actually taste like. Thanks so much for this review!!!! I’ll need the ammo in the fall (grad school).
you know what’s next –
the different ramen! hahh…
Okay, time to sound like a nerd: I really encourage anyone serious about energy drinks to research what they’re putting into their bodies. These things aren’t FDA regulated like everything else in the supermarket. The huge amounts of caffeine and other “supplements” have the potential to really mess with the natural balancing of chemicals in the body. Energy drinks also mask the body’s ability to recognize fatigue, which may sound great on the surface, but affects REM sleep and ultimately causes… more fatigue. As a budding foodie, I really enjoy your blog, by the way.
gawd you are so great. too bad i’m not an energy drinker. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. but i’ll take your word for it when i need one.
)
Thanks…that is a welcome post for many people!
u are amazing.. the effort u took!
but i personally find energy drinks a wee bit too sweet..
red bull is in my bloodline. for real. haha.
love it.
i drink …lost perfect 10 [lo carb]. they are produced by monster but youre supporting a local surf team out of san clemente, CA b/c its their brand. the perfect 10 is in a blue can and is exactly like the lo carb monster. they also have a 5-0 [mixed w/ juice, in an orange can] and an original [in a red can]. so if you drink/love monster – try those! support something original
they can usually be found in your convienance store’s cooler next to the monster products. but not every single place has them.
I can’t stand energy drinks or caffeine, they just make me jittery! but my marketing class spent about 30 minutes talking about how there are so many on the shelves these days. oh, and agave is the cactus fruit that taquila is made of, it’s kinda white grape-y
You’ve probably already heard about this new kind of monster since this was posted on the 16th but monster has come out with a new kind called monster M-80. It’s like all the others except with a hint of lemon almost.